And You’re Safe too…

For my second birth, I was a little bit more intentional about inviting Jesus. I prayed about everything and felt so deeply connected to the Lord. Even though the world was crashing down around me with the 2020 pandemic, no food on the grocery shelves, some challenges in my personal relationships, and so much more… God gave me so much peace in my heart. I know it was because I was pursuing him so hard.

I got to this place where when people would say “I’m praying for you” I felt so grateful. I felt like “You are going to take time out of your day to ask our KING to bless me???” The amount of humility I felt. Praise Jesus for who I was at that time and I pray I can be there again. I’ve been pretty bratty lately.

At this point, I was a doula for about a year and feeling so blessed to have been a part of the births I had been hired for. I had learned so much to confirm what I knew to be true about birth. God was constantly validating me by leading me to all the best resources of credible research and life experiences. I felt zero fear around my birth and was ready for the ride God would take us on.

It was funny how I felt like God was constantly giving me Godwinks everywhere I went. It’s what I remember most from my first pregnancy and my second.

In my second pregnancy, I was due at any point, and had reached out on a page to see if anybody in our area had a specific prenatal that I could only get online that I ran out of. A woman named Jessica responded and had me meet her to pick it up. I had acquainted with Jessica at some local events a few times. I’ve never really spoken to her too much at these events but she seemed nice and pretty funny. She asked when I was due and I told her any day.

She asked if she could pray over me and my birth. I jumped at the opportunity with an “Of course!”

I felt so blessed to have the first birth that I had and prayed for this one to be just as awakening.

I don’t remember what she prayed over me but I felt it coming from her heart and it made me tear up. It was so special. I barely knew her and God spoke through her to bring me joy, peace, and comfort. Such an unexpected gift that I’ll never forget. I don’t think she knows how much it meant to me.

I worked diligently for my second pregnancy to block out fear, noise, and anything not from God. People often tell such terrible stories to pregnant women and those are just harmful. Yes, things happen but 98% of the time they don’t happen. True birth stat.

My second birth was really intense. Mostly because it was fast. About four hours. Fast births tend to not work up to the intensity as much as longer births. But nonetheless having my husband’s support the entire time in our beautiful dance of communication and peace worked just the same.

At one point, I was quite tired of the mental load in birth but I felt God all around us. Like physically felt Him there. Birth is wild guys. If you do the mental work, you can really open up the portal to heaven. It’s such a spiritual event. I know I sound like a hippie and before my experiences in birth, I would’ve never said things like this. But this is REAL.

I felt God so present I knew that when I spoke, I would be speaking directly to Him. So I took advantage of that, and asked if this could be over and I could meet my baby. I didn’t ask because I was in pain. I asked because I was pretty over using my brain to evaluate all of what my body needed to cope. Birth demands your minds FULL attention.

Prayers answered! Wasn’t but 15 minutes later I had my baby in my arms.

Now, homebirth and birth center babies typically enter the world much more peaceful. Usually takes them a bit to cry. This is because it’s a much more gentle introduction into the world. There’s no fluorescent lights, midwives tend to handle the baby more gently, there’s less people, and it’s usually much quieter. I knew this at the time, but it kind of slipped my mind. So when he came out so peaceful, I asked “Is he okay? Is everything okay?” Midwife Ashley said “Yes, and you’re safe too.”

Wow. I hadn’t even thought about myself. Hearing I was safe felt so comforting and I really didn’t know why. I had never really felt in physical danger. It felt more like she was pointing out that my mind was safe. Like all of the work, I did to keep the enemy out of my mind for this baby worked. I could rest now. Rest with God’s gift of postpartum oxytocin. So I did… I felt like I had such an emotional release during birth and the minute she said “And you’re safe too…” It was finished.

To be honest “And you’re safe too.” was kind of was the theme of the whole birth. Walking into the birth center was a complete sense of safety and freedom. Like there was nothing I was going to have to ask “Can I do this?” Anything I felt primitive about doing, I could do without asking. The preferences of doctors, nurses, and hospital policy was a total bother I didn’t realize I had until it was completely gone at my second birth. I say preferences, because a lot of what they make us do in the hospital is not evidence based. So it literally is just a preference. The total sense of freedom, and not needing to ask permission is what I felt made my labor go so quick. I could truly RELEASE my baby without a sense of threat. My body could RELAX. I felt truly SAFE.

Following another awakening birth that was better by threefold… It was the most glorious postpartum ever, and I hope to experience it again. One day I’ll write a blog about my postpartum anxiety after my first child. And I’ll talk about the difference that I truly think was associated with the seasons of life I was in for each, and the types of births that I had.

None of us go through the process of bringing a baby into the world without challenge. To think that we do, is unrealistic. My births were awesome but my postpartum for my first child and breast-feeding journeys for both were agonizing. We won’t enter motherhood without challenge. Bring children into the world is not only the birth of our child but the rebirth of us as well meant to grow us as mothers. But we will be redeemed by God if we seek him to get us through the challenge. Something I’m preaching to myself even today…